Captivating

Am I lovely? Am I beautiful? Am I desireable? Am I a catch? Am I important? Am I worth fighting for? Am I Captivating? So many young girls, young women, and really any woman from any age are constantly asking these questions. I know in my own life I struggle everyday with wondering if I make the cut, if someone would be willing to fight for me, and if someone would let me know that I am beautiful, amazing, lovely, desireable, and worth far more than anything in this world. However, the answers I get from the world are never enough, I'm constantly disappointed.

Case and point. Throughout my young life I've had crucial people either abuse, walk away, abandon, disappoint, or throw me away. And the best part of these people is that each and every one of them has been a man. Whether it be my dad, my brother, my best friends, my boyfriends - all of them have hurt me in some way shape or form. And to each and every one of them I came with my questions, "Am I lovely? Am I beautiful? Am I desireable? Am I a catch? Am I important? Am I worth fighting for? Am I Captivating?". However, each and every one of them looked me in the face by their actions and loud and clear yelled, "Absolutely NOT!". By abusing me they proved that I was not worth anything to them. By abandoning me they proved that I was not worth fighting for. By disappointing me they proved that I was not lovely enough for them to stay. And by throwing me away they proved that I am not beautiful, not desireable, and not a wonderful girl - but that I am garbage in their eyes.

So where do I get my questions answered?? The one and only place I am able to go is to my Heavenly Father, who never abandons or forsakes me. Who would never bring harm to my life. He is always faithful, always loving, always there, and always what I need and more. Tonight after a coffee date with one of my friends, I began to realize how drastically important it was for me to realize that my quesitons cannot be answered by the men of this world, because they have questions they cannot answer for themselves (more on that later). Each and every person on this earth is fallen, is struggling, has been hurt or disappointed, and each of us is asking questions. For the female it is emotionally based - am I loveable? For the male it is physically based - am I strong enough? Am I a man?

The problem with all of this is the fact that we need to have 100% true Surrender to our God in order to get the healing and get the answers that we so desperately need. But our human nature tells us constantly - you are not worth it, you are not lovely - which only hinders our ability to let go of ourselves and lay our lives and our very souls and beings before Christ - asking Him to be our answer. Only in the sheer and utter downfall of life do we realize that we cannot go any farther down - that we have hit rock bottom- and it's at this point that we are able to run back to Jesus broken, battered, and torn and with tears in our eyes and our hearts breaking pleading with God to lead our lives, to be the answers we are looking for, and to be the Strength, Wisdom, and Light in our daily lives. For with God we can do anything, but without Him we are nothing.

My hope today is that we will all go to God for the answers to our lives questions. To rely on Him for clarity, for understanding, for love, for acceptance, for courage, for strength, and for life changing ability. It's the hardest thing in the world to admit that we need help, and it's even harder to admit that we need help to Jesus - because our sin so easily entangles us into believing the ways of the world and the things Satan and the world are using against us are too strong for the everlasting love of Christ. But Jesus is stronger, he is braver, He is more able than any force in this world or in the spiritual realm - He is the powerhouse that is able to stand up against the forces of this world and stand beside His children and encourage them through the toughest, darkest, and most terrifying hours of our lives. He has our answers - it just takes patience, admittance of fault, and a heart willing to move.

He who has ears, let him hear and understand the Love and everlasting strength of God. Let us each be captivating to Christ and Christ alone.


Verse of the day:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35,38-39