Saturday, February 19, 2011

Post Surgery

Oy. What a week. A week full of life change. A week I certainly don't want to live through again anytime soon.

Praise God for His grace, Praise God for His care, Praise God for His love showering over my family these past few weeks. The good news is that my mom's surgery went well. She now has numerous coils in various veins in her brain, but she's good, she's alive, she's healing - thank you Jesus for doing this miracle in her life.

This week was a heavy one. A week where roles were suddenly reversed and I found myself discussing Wills, Trusts, final wishes and everything that comes with it. And it's funny... I made it through the week without many tears, and a strength that came from a place I know not.

So here I sit, back in California, and the week still hasn't hit me. I feel it brewing in the depths of my heart. It's building, the reality of what just happened is slowly showing up. I don't know what to feel, I don't know how to respond.

What just happened?

One thing I do know - I need some one on one with the One and Only. But I find myself avoiding it... as if it's going to hurt too much to go there, to let it out, to just cry.

Processing. Praying. Meet me sweet Jesus - thank you for your protection and provision in everything.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Brain Surgery

This isn't going to be a fun post. No happy cheery here. No "wow" revelations. Nope, this post hurts and I haven't even written it yet. Mom is having some health issues. And by health issues, I mean she's having issues within her brain, in the veins of her brain. It seems that a certain vein has tangled itself up inside of her head and has started causing her head to pound and her equilibrium to be off. She's been dealing with this for months, and finally after tons of testing, the MRV came back to show her diagnosis. She's at risk for an aneurism. Any sudden movements, any high blood pressure, really anything that could jerk her could cause it to start bleeding (let me also say, praise God for tests that show these things so they can be fixed!).

She's going in for surgery sometime this week. It was supposed to be today, but now the doctors are pushing it back because one doctor couldn't be there. They make it sound so dangerous, one of the "riskiest surgeries we could perform". Awesome. I don't want to hear that crap... one of the riskiest surgeries and you're performing it on my mom's brain today, tomorrow, who knows when? In the meantime my mom is in a state of wondering what's going on. And the rest of us are sitting here praying and hoping that everything will be resolved quickly.

I had a moment last night me in California, her in Seattle and I got so angry at myself for being so far away from her when she's in this situation. I'm supposed to be there, I'm supposed to take her to the doctors appointments, I'm supposed to help her, encourage her, pray for her. And I'm here. What the heck am I doing here?!?! Why now God? Why this? What is going on?!

Oy. I don't know what to say. I have no words. I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm just.... ouch.

I leave for Seattle in a couple of hours, who knows how long I'll be gone, who knows what happens next, besides the Lord? Oh Father please, I beg, let everything be okay. Please!

Please pray... for the doctor's hands, for a quick recovery, for strength and courage as we face this mountain. Thank you!