Thursday, September 6, 2012

1 thing then a 1000

If there's one thing I've learned these last few years, there's a thousand. It seems that each day I'm faced with yet another truth, another lesson, or another day of trusting. Is it easy? Surely not. I find I'm plagued with uncertainty of the future and constantly reminded of living here and now. I cannot change everything in life in a blink of an eye. And I'm my own person, uniquely created, with a specific calling and direction on my life.

I was just reading a dear friend of mine's blog. Her name is Callie and she's been a gem of a friend since I first met her back in High School. She loves Jesus like no other, she's honest, she's vulnerable, she's sweet and kind. She's one of those rare women with heart of gold and such compassion and grace. I love her to pieces. And one of the things I love most about her is her courage. That girl is a country wrangler, in the mountains in Colorado and is living her dream and passion day in and day out. Is it easy for her? Probably not. And like me, I'm sure she has those moments and days of "really Lord? What the heck?!" But I am so incredibly proud of her and all she's done.

Then there's my BFF, Jenny. This girl is a straight up Doctor now. Yup. She is legit like that! I have watched this woman work diligently and hard for her entire educational life. She is one of the most determined and focused women I know. She knew what she wanted to do at an early age and pursued her passions full speed ahead. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments. Unreal to think that nearly 10 years have passed since she started this journey. And I remember the times of exhaustion and frustration as she faced deadlines and internships. But here she is, a successful, PhD.

And there's my co-worker, Patty, who is the most hard working woman I've ever met. She is focused and reliable, trustworthy and diligent. She has a 10 month old baby, works full time, and yet still has a smile on her face each morning. I don't know how she does it, how she finds the strength to push through each day. But she does it, and she does it well. She is a remarkable person and a wonderful friend, mother and wife to all those she loves.

Why do I bring up all these women? Because I look at each of their lives and go "wow, they've got it made". But then I realize that we all have our own journey on this earth. And mine may not look like other's, and that's OK! I may not yet be the successful business woman that I once thought I'd be. I may be turning 27 in a month and not have that Condo of my own I always assumed I'd have by now. I may not have all my debt paid off and the funds to travel. But you know what? In the grand scheme of things it doesn't even matter. I'm given today, this hour, this moment. And for these things, I'm thankful. God has been good to me. And I often act like a spoiled little brat because my dreams aren't coming true. But if I'm truly honest with myself, those dreams have DRASTICALLY changed over my 20's. I no longer worry about a man or marriage or a family and children. It's not mine to worry about. God's got it, whom or what do I have to fear?

And an epiphony of sorts came to me last night I sat in my beastly hot house after a run, eating caprese salad and chocolate ice cream (I know, gross, but delicious on a hot day!). Why does life have to be this huge complicated thing? Why does my relationship with the Lord have to be this grandiose experience of visions and great things? What if He and I have one of those relationships you haev with your best friend, where it's just simple? I'm the simple girl, who lives on a simple plot of land somewhere there's seasons, with a front porch and rocking chair... and He's my Savior, the one my heart loves, who I just do life with. You know, loving others, being generous, giving shelter to those who need it, feeding those who are hungry, being the hands and feet of Him who first loved me. Is that crazy to desire?

Or maybe it's exactly how this whole relationship with the One and Only is supposed to be... a relationship. Plain and simple.