Just checking in

A friend of mine passed along the below list of questions yesterday and I've found them to be eye opening as I went through the list and found that even when I think I'm okay, I still have struggles, I'm still human. Enjoy!

-Are you regularly with a person of the opposite sex in inappropriate situations?

-Are you completely above reproach in all your financial dealings, including your taxes?

-Do you expose yourself to explicit sexual material?

-If you have a family, do you invest sufficient time with them?

-Do you tell the truth? How often do you lie (don't forget to count the little white ones)?

-How quickly do you say "I am wrong; I am genuinely sorry" when you have said or done something that hurts another?

-Do you hold grudges?

-Are you knowingly compromising in some area of your life, refusing to acknowledge the consequences that you will surely have to face?

-Have you formed a habit that is detrimental to your health or your job or your walk with Christ?

-Are you proud, selfish, arrogant?

-Have you taken credit for something that someone else did and should have been rewarded for?

-Do you return things you borrow?

-Have you failed to confess something to someone who should know of your wrongdoing?

-Are you abusing your mate or your children---physically or emotionally?

-Do you allow abuse to happen without seeking help?

-Do you regularly spend time in prayer and in the Scriptures?

I met a man...

I met a man far different than those I've come across thus far. A man of real life spiritual discipline. A man of character and integrity, with Christ's light and workmanship making itself evident in every area of his life.

I met a man funny and charming. A man diligent in his work and study. A man eager for great things in God's Kingdom, for His glory and honor. A man who came through the valley of the shadow of death, to the mountain of God's glorious grace. A man outwardly "harsh" and handsome, yet inwardly righteous and just.

I met a man broken, yet redeemed. A man with a past of hurts and regrets. A man with an unshakeable future in Christ. A man decisive and determined to push through the obstacles that he would surely face throughout life. A man kind and compassionate.

I met a man with a heart of gold, but with a world of influence. A man fighting daily for what is right, while battling the pressure of the world around him. A man of valor and strength. A man able to face any challenge with confidence and surety. A man fighting for the right choice, waiting for direction, desiring God's desires.

I met a man who challenged me to my core. A man who pushed me to think beyond myself. A man with a child-like faith in the One and Only. A man who lives his life as an open example of how Christ meets anyone, anywhere. A man of simple yet determined, black and white faith. A man proving the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through one's life.

I met a man who changed my life. A man I'm extremely proud of. A man who defends and protects, patiently persevering. A man I'm glad to call friend. A man who loves openly, lives honestly, and listens attentively. A man who blesses not harming the one he loves. A man who does what's right, even if it means his own pain. A man deserving of respect and honor.

I met a man...incredible, true, unwavering.

I met a man.

The Disciplined Life

The disciplined life is not an easy road to follow. In fact, living a life of discipline may cause arguments, frustration, persecution, and plain ol’ drama. When we choose to live a life differently than those around us, we’re daily faced with the challenge of practicing what we preach. Whether it’s our addiction to the internet/cell phone/social networking, our battle between being healthy and wreaking havoc on our bodies, the struggle of relationships and making them work, or even just the fight to keep our quiet times with the Lord steady and focused – dedication to the commitments we’ve made is one of the biggest battles we face. Why is it so easy to fall into the trap of laziness or the “I’ll get to it later” mentality? Simply put, because everyone around us is doing it and there seems to be a lack of follow through on our decisions. The world is constantly knocking - waiting for us to follow suit... but should we?

As I've been reading through the book of Proverbs (my all time favorite book of the Bible), over and over the call to gain wisdom, understanding and live the disciplined life keeps screaming at me. I'm the type of person that commits to something only to turn around and break the commitment "just this once". Well, "just this once" has a peculiar tendency to transform into "oh it doesn't matter" inevitably leaving the discipline behind and failing, yet again, to finish something for once. I am so that person, even down to the books I read - I just can't seem to finish anything. And I get frustrated with myself and throw everything that was a temptation away only for it to somehow resurface in another form a week later.

However, over and over in scripture we see how blessed the lives of the disciplined are. Those who diligently keep their promises, even when it hurts and causes them to stretch and grow in a way they never have before. Proverbs 8 is a good example, "Prefer my life-disciplines over chasing after money, and God-knowledge over a lucrative career. Mark a life of discipline and live wisely; don't squander your precious life. Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me, awake and ready for me each morning, alert and responsive as I start my day's work. When you find me, you find life, real life, to say nothing of God's good pleasure."

Discipline, my friends, leads to finding life, real life, that only God can give. At this point in my life, my lack of discipline lies in my health and eating habits, for one. I've got quite the sweet tooth and so I'll start down the path of eating better, yet still find a way to track down that stash of chocolate deep within the cupboards. Or, exercise. Now there's something that I get just plain bored of. I hate repitition, the same thing, over and over and over again, to the point that I'd just prefer to not do it. But the fact is that I feel better and am healthier by doing so. And these two examples are the LEAST of my worries, yet I can't seem to figure out how to discipline myself enough to actually follow through on them.

The story only gets worse as I take a deeper look at myself and the inner workings of my soul. I'm the people pleaser, I'm that girl that says "yes" to anything while thinking, "what the heck is wrong with you??!!? Why did you just commit to that?!?!" So I go to the opposite extreme in an unfortunate attempt to make myself more grounded - and say no to everything. How does that solve the problem? I have no idea... but it's discipline, right??

Then Proverbs 5 just throws it at me again, "You don't want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones, Saying, "Oh, why didn't I do what they told me? Why did I reject a disciplined life? Why didn't I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously? My life is ruined! I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!"'

Man can I relate to that, each day it seems that I find something that I regret doing or not doing (the sins of ommission and commission). Yet, instead of relying on Jesus for my strength and asking Him to make me grow and become better in certain areas of my life , I decide to just take things into my own hands. And every single time, He reminds me that if I want to succeed in my life, He has to be the center of it. Without Him, I'm nothing. And He even gives us ways in which we can grow in our character and being able to follow through on issues - being disciplined in everything. Through simply having good friends who speak truth into our lives, diligent mentors that pull us back to reality, or His still small voice in the quietness of the morning - He gives us the tools to choose the disciplined life. If it's that easy, then why don't we? Simply put - we hate being called out. And so we beat around the bush or make up excuses, but what we really need to do is put our pride to the side and start asking for discipline...

Ask and Receive.

Ask God to remind you of the ways in which you need to grow. Ask Jesus to illuminate paths for you to escape the temptations of this world. Ask the Holy Spirit to prompt your heart to desire more of His power, than your own. And receive peace that transcends all understanding, power to overcome the dauntingly impossible, and perseverance to live the disciplined life each and every day.

I'll end with this. Discipline is not the only answer, in fact it's just a simple piece of God's growing puzzle. Discipline, although necessary, is a portion of what we're called to be and do as Christ followers in today's world. We're called to have good character, to learn more, to be patient and kind, to be generous, to build into the lives of those around us, and most of all to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE others - even those that are the hardest to love. With Christ - ALL of the above is possible, and more. We just have to dedicate to living the disciplined life of waking every morning with the Word and prayer, living as Christ's ambassadors on earth, and desiring/asking for His desires to become our own - that His road would be the road of our lives.

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books." – II Peter 1

Forgotten God

As of late, I've been completely intrigued by Francis Chan's latest book, Forgotten God, which discusses how Christians today call on God the Father and Christ the Son, but often forget about the incredible power and gift for our lives on earth, the Holy Spirit. So often, as Christians, we sense that God is somehow distant, far away, and unattainable or that we have to live by certain self-induced rules to gain His favor. Chan shows how generous and caring the God we serve is, by teaching us the power of the Holy Spirit. If allowed into every section of our life, the Spirit of God has the power to do incredible things in and through us.

However, we often forget that our bodies are the Spirit's temple. The world around us begins to dictate our actions and decisions. Instead of living by the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5, we become the opposite (frustrated, prideful, mean, selfish, rude, self serving, etc). We doubt, we question the power of the Spirit, thus placing ourselves as some type of "godhead' of our own lives. This, I believe, is why we don't see more joyful, Spirit led, confident, courageous Christians changing the world. For we cannot serve both God and man - we have to choose, and far too often we choose the latter.

“if all you want is a little Jesus to ‘spiritualize’ your life, a little extra God to keep you out of hell, you are missing out on the fullness of life you were created for.” –F. Chan, Forgotten God, Pg. 122

Amen! But how do we even begin to get out of the box of spirituality and into the unyeilding surrender to God's control of our lives? Simply put... by daily asking for the Spirit's guidance, by disclosing our struggles, and facing the obstacles that so often get in our way. And it's different for each of us, to some it's our job, to others our families, other's may struggle with food or financially, while other's have a paralyzing fear that often prevents them from even moving at all. Baby steps. We don't change overnight, living with God as the center is a process of growth and continual surrender. As it says in Forgotten God:

“each of us has a strong tendency to attempt to wrestle control from the Spirit and ‘do’ this life on our own.” – F. Chan, 131

It should no longer be a question of what I need to do to control my life. Because my life is not mine to control. No, it’s a matter of what God wants me to surrender to Him in my life. What needs to be done for me to release the securities that the world offers, for the eternal security of Christ?

"Perhaps you don’t need fire from heaven, but peace. Perhaps what you need is wisdom to know which decision to make, or courage to do the right thing, even though you might lose your job. Or maybe you need love because you feel alone. Or you want people with a similar vision to journey with and support you along the way. Whatever you need, the point is that God is aware of you and your circumstances, and He knows what you really need. He is able to bring these things, people, and circumstances in your life… He wants to completely transform us.” F.Chan 145-146

And how does this transformation happen? With prayer, time, and accountability. Pray fervently, pray radically, pray courageously believing that God will come through. And remember that to God a day is like a 1000 years and a 1000 years are like a day. To us time means no answer or that God is no longer there, but to God time means instilling patient perseverance into the lives of His children.

So let’s stop living the safe life, the planned life - where we decide what we will do and where we will go, and let’s start living lives of complete surrender asking the Spirit to lead and direct our paths right into the situations He’s intended us to be in. Who knows, the drive home may require an “unnessesary” stop along the way that changes someone’s life forever. The ringing phone may be someone desperate to know someone cares. And the prompting to “go” in our hearts may just be the very thing to break us of our comfort and push us into the life of daily trust in the Spirit for everything we need. God did not call us to a life of comfort, at least not this side of heaven. Christ has called us to daily pick up our cross and follow Him, wherever He leads, whatever He wants, needs to be our complete determination daily.

The plank in your own eye...

It's funny how sometimes we think everything is going great - we're growing, changing, developing our faith - when in reality we're about to get a simple reminder of how broken and imperfect we really are.

In my own life recently, I've been doing fine, good actually. Until something came out of nowhere in the depths of my being: I'm too quick to judge. Over the past few years I've grown much in my opinion and attitude toward the broken in this world. I've adapted the mantra that the past is the past, and whatever happened then cannot and should not affect how we judge people's lives today. But the reality of the matter is that I myself have let my past hinder and derail my hopes for the future. I've let the things that I cannot change prevent me from taking the risks of new beginnings. And I'm at a crossroads... what do I do to push myself beyond what's happened, and forward to God's glorious plan for my life?

Surrender...

However, as I surrender, I find that my judgment goes beyond my own shortcomings to the mistakes of others. Instead of loving someone, supporting them through a crisis with true, pure, unbiased care, I replay their mistakes, their shortcomings, their failures over and over in my own mind. Literally telling myself, "well, they've done this or that, so I'm one up from them." or "how will I ever be able to understand this person with so much baggage?" (bring in Matthew 7:2-4 here). And I'm reminded that it's not my place to judge, it's not my place to choose who God gets to love, it's not my place to live in this "high and mighty" mentality thinking myself better than others. It's His choice, His grace, His mercy that restores the broken, heals the hurting, and loves the lonely. As it says in Romans 14:10, "You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat."

And so often, as Christians, we think that just because others can't physically see the mistakes we've made (unlike unwed mothers - for example), we are somehow better than them. Speaking to my friend Callie last night made me realize that just because my sins aren't open or public for everyone to see, doesn't mean that I'm not somehow harboring something detrimental to my overall wellbeing. And I'm amazed at the people who's reputations have been forever burned because of choices and mistakes they've made. Those that don't hide the choices they've made, the sins they've committed. But they bring them into the open, that they may be healed, but that they may also be used for God's Kingdom as a story of His redemption and care. They are truly some of the most genuine, open, life changing people we will ever have the chance to meet. Let's not let our judgment prevent us from friendship and relationship with those who've been in the deepest pits of life, who've faced the horrors of pain, addiction, and abuse. Instead, let's come along side them, encouraging and learning everything we can from their own experiences and the path they've come down to repentance and the forgiveness of Christ.

So I end with this... what are your secret sins? What are the things hidden so deep that it would be paralyzing if they were revealed? What is it that's hidden under lock and key? And what needs to be done so that life may be lived free from the angst of the past? What do we need to bring to the open so that we may be healed and grow deeper in our faith?

Freedom comes with revealing. And until each and every one of the deepest sins is approached, presented, revealed, and forgiven, we cannot be fully used by God to touch those around us.

Two Thousand Ten

2010. Another decade of this world, gone. A new one, just beginning. Full of possibilities, choices, failures, blessings, and everything in between – we start another year. Life seems to fly by, especially in modern society, where productivity abounds, while relationships and families fall. The important “things” in life can be merely swept away in a blink of an eye. As our world continues to refuse to defend the important and succumbs to the pressure of the gods of this modern society(fame, sex, drugs, money, etc).

As we enter into a new decade, my hope and prayer is that the relationship and the love of others would be evident moreso than what the Jones’ have that I don’t. Rather than focusing on the “stuff” of life that will surely disappoint, finding the true meaning of life on this earth. Seeking to glorify The One and Only, instead of satisfying our own desires. That Ps. 37:4 would become a reality in life, rather than the fleshly desires that often rule and reign over us. No, that we would give full access of ourselves to God that He may pour out his desires on our souls, and that we would follow him faithfully in any direction or path He leads us.

As I’ve begun pondering goals and direction for the next year of life, I’m reminded of James 4:14, “How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog – it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” The reminder that our lives are short, brings up a multitude of questions like: What am I being called to do? What does God want me to do while I'm here? What are the specific gifts and talents that I have that can help me attain my goals/desires?

As I read a dear friend of mine's blog the other day about "what do you want?", I decided to do a little thinking/praying about what it is that I truly desire my life to look like now, and in the future. I could sit here and list all the things I've ever wanted, like A White Convertible Mustang with Bright Pink Racing Stripes, or the 6000 square foot dream house with a Mother in Law apartment and plenty of space for cooking, entertaining, and being a "home away from home" for those in need, or My debt being gone - erased, never to be thought of again. But the reality is, the world we live in, the lives of those around us are more materially based than ever before. I often look at my own dissatisfaction with the incredible BLESSINGS that are in my life and think, "what an ungrateful jerk I am!". The truth is, if we're lucky enough to have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothes to wear, we're richer than 85% of the world. That's HUGE!

As we face 2010 I've wondered: Why is it that we Americans deal with this intrinsic need to one up the Jones'? Why are we bombarded by stuff only to find that the more we get the more we "need" or "want". The unquenchable thirst for more has plagued the lives of this nation for decades, and the American Dream is nothing more than an exhausted fantasy never to be truly fulfilled.

As I sit in a world deteriorating by urges, rather than necessity, I find that the true things I want aren't what I "want" at all. They're simply what I desire - things forever etched on my soul. Simple acts and steps that have been spoken to my heart in the still small, steady Voice:

1. I desire to preach/teach the gospel "fearlessly as I should..." (Eph. 6). Not just sitting back and allowing the "big wigs" to influence our world. No, I want to be a voice and a vessel of Christ in the lives of those I come into contact with. Whether it's a person on the street corner or one of my beloved relatives. If I'm the only Jesus they ever see, I want to be the best example of Him possible, and in every circumstance/situation.

2. I long to write. There's not a day that goes by that my desire and need to write doesn't take over my thoughts. Short stories, life stories, nonfictional examples of grace, forgiveness, trust, pain, and inevitable eternal Joy.

3. I desire to have an "open door" policy anywhere and everywhere I go. If someone needs something, I want to fulfill it to the best of my ability.

4. I long for love, by the best earthly example possible. I love for relationship with another that is a an example of the love Christ has for His Church and that people would see our relationship as different, as a model.

5. I desire to leave a legacy for generations to come of overcoming obstacles by the grace and joy of the Lord.

6. I desire adventure, travel, change, risk, and everything that comes with it. Making memories along the way, rather than filling boxes with the "trinkets" where moth and rust destroy.

7. I want my ministry to be my job and my job to be my ministry.

8. I desire community - true community where we lean on one another, encouraging, challenging, building, and loving each other as Christ guides our lives. Lifelong friendships of support.

This is just the beginning of the life long list of desires, hopes, and dreams that I have. Of course I have my goals for the year and for life, but the above listed items are more than just goals - they're cravings of the soul. Desires that only He can fulfill in my heart.

"Don't Doubt in the Darkness what God Promised in the Light." - Pastor David Goode

What are your desires? What are the cravings of your soul? What needs to be done to achieve them? And where are you going to begin?

Here's to a fantastic 2010!

A New Chapter

Today is a day that will go down in the Tenacious memory bank as a day of new beginnings, a new chapter on life. Over the past few months I've slowly been going through the stuff I've collected over the past 12 years as I packed up to move out of my teenage home and into a new one. It's crazy how much two people can accumulate after a decade of living in one place. When I've completed one task, there seems to be another pile of stuff to go through around the next corner.

This move is not only the closing of one door, it's the openning of great opportunity for adventure, BIG adventure. For so long I've felt stuck, and today God proved to me that He's bigger than any mountain that stands in the way of the dreams He places on our hearts. For awhile I've wanted to live on my own, try new things, go new places, but I've felt a bit of a burden financially. But today God shut the door of financial fear, and opened one of blessing. He is showing me that even in the darkest hours, He's still there, aware of my struggles and needs.

Moving is also a time of reflection of the relationships built within this neighborhood, and the new opportunities that lie before me. It's a time to realize and appreciate all that's been given to me, and to think seriously about what God would have the future be. I'll tell you one thing, if I've learned anything from this move, it's that Americans have WAY too much stuff. I mean WAY too much! I keep going through things finding silly little trinkets that someone gave me long ago, that I never really used. So much time and money is placed into things that will never fully satisfy for fulfill.

With that, I've started writing my goals for 2010, and one of the top goals is to make memories instead of buying more "stuff". Because memories are what we take with us, what we cherish. How many of us can name all the presents we received for Christmas 5 years ago? I'd be surprised if we could even remember 1 of the gifts we received. But how often do we remember grandma's fruitcake or the Christmas when Santa was found to be grandpa?

Another goal for 2010 is to live life fearlessly - taking risks, taking on challenges, and living out the "go to grow" calling. I can't believe that another year has gone by, but I'm excited for everything that awaits in 2010. Praise God for His direction and ultimate plan!