Selfish Blessings

Recently I’ve been learning more about the Lord and the incredible blessings he has put in my life.

All of this is wonderful and such an incredible testament to the Lord – then why is it that I don’t care about how the Lord has worked in the past? I often find myself getting frustrated with the prayers he’s left unanswered. The prayers that He’s told me “not yet, it’s not the right time”. Those prayers I have come before His throne in quiet desperation for. I find myself saying, “Lord, I want to praise you and I want to be grateful for the amazing things you have done in my life – but I can’t. It’s too hard to celebrate the past when the present and the future are constant battles in my mind and heart. How do I rejoice in the answered prayers, while waiting patiently for those unanswered?”

I’m selfish. That’s what it boils down to. I am more concerned about me and my timeline and my plan, that I forget that it’s not up to me. I can’t do anything to change circumstances in my life. Only Christ can allow the circumstances to change. It’s through Him that our lives are determined, and we can only wait for Him to speak and guide us in the path in which we should go. And then it comes up again – how in the world am I supposed to be patient? I live in a “I want it and expect it now” society.

Instead of praising Him, I get angry. Instead of worshipping for what He’s done, I’m bitter for what’s left undone. How do we go about fixing this dilemma? Patience, Perseverance, Trust, Faith. If we’re a Christian, our life on earth is as close to hell as we’ll ever get. It’s no wonder that we suffer and struggle so much – it’s a fact of the sinful nature. We’re told it’s going to be difficult. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow or any blessing. Because Christ loves us, is the only reason we’re blessed on this earth. Eternity should be our focus, but how do we do that when the problems and stresses of the world are pressing down on us so greatly? We can’t do it on our own – that's just it. We will ALWAYS be disappointed with the results of living our lives by ourselves and by our standards or the worlds standards. We may not have all the dreams, desires, hopes, and wants here on the earth – but Christ promises that those who love Him will have eternal blessings, eternal hope, and eternal love. Our finite minds cannot comprehend what heaven is like. We can only understand the things we see and experience on earth.

And again I ask - how? How am I supposed to keep my eyes on Heaven and long for it as Paul describes throughout his writings? My mind does not comprehend a world better than this, even though this world is AWFUL! I don't understand how things can get better when I'm constantly reminded of the pain, the suffering, the stress, and the standards of this world. Having an eternal focus, and throwing away the sinful, selfish, worldly desires is not easy. It's NOT easy my friends. I'll be the first to admit that it's more work than we really know. Dedicating our lives, our circumstances, our hurts, and our struggles to the Lord is a constant battle against the flesh. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Why can't I surrender everything to Jesus? Why can't I just lay my burdens down at the foot of the cross and walk away? Because those burdens are important and I lack the trust that God is bigger and more able than I even understand. I'm human... that's what it boils down to. I'm a sinner - who has trouble relying relentlessly on the Lord. I'm weak - and for that I need the strength of Christ because if I had to carry the burden on my own, I would surely collapse under the pressure.

It's at this point that I'm reminded of what Paul says in Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

I know that my God is bigger than my fears, bigger than my anxiety, bigger than my struggles, bigger than my brokenness, bigger than my burdens, bigger than anything that ever comes across my path. My God is able to save, ready to protect, and patiently waiting for me to rely solely on Him for guidance and direction in the easy and especially in the tough times of life.

Depression and sin is what makes life so hard to get through. There is a time to mourn and an appropriate way to get through the struggles. But let’s also not wallow in our sorrows and depression – and praise God for the blessings we do have, even when it's the most difficult thing in the world to do. Because God sees the big picture. He knows what's best - and is working diligently to make it come to pass.

And last, in my time with the Lord yesterday I started laughing. For me, planning is the joy of life. I love planning parties, planning events, bringing people together in community to have fun and enjoy each other's company. I thrive when I'm around others and am able to bless them in some way. It's a part of my personality, the core of who I am. I started laughing as I realized that God gets just as excited to plan the blessings in our life, as I get when I plan a party or when I get to see someone I haven't seen in a long time. God has great plans for us, to bless us - and He's working right now to make sure everything for the "party" or blessing in our life is made at the right and perfect time. He's behind the scenes preparing the "decorations", the "food", and the "house" of those incredible gifts He has for us. And it will come at a time when we least expect it. His blessings come when we need them the most and when we least expect them. How EXCITING!! :-)

God is good - even though sometimes we don't understand. He's still good, He's still faithful, and He's still working in everything. I promise!