Caught in the Middle...

Lately, I've been bombarded by the reality of the Christian life. It's not some simple walk in the park, and there are many times where, if I'm completely honest, it's absolutely draining. Oy!

We're called to wait. We're told to persevere. We're encouraged to pick up our crosses. But sometimes I really just let my prideful self come out and go "can I please just have what I asked for? I mean, seriously, it's been such a long time since I started asking... don't you think I deserve it by now??"

Well, this weekend I got myself a bit of a wake up call. "Do everything without complaining or grumbling..." That means life in general. That means rejoicing in the fact that life sometimes doesn't go as planned or wished for. That means putting away the selfish desires. It means dying to self and living for Him.

And the funny thing is, for some reason we take God's refusals as bad. But what we so easily forget is that God is good - period. His good is far better than our good could ever be. He sees the bigger picture, He knows best. God's refusals in our lives are always His mercies. When He takes something away or says "not yet", it's His way of protecting us, of growing us, of loving us.

His grace is sufficient.

The thing we ought to remember in the midst of those "winters" of our souls is the very fact that "spring" is on it's way. And God has us here, in this moment, in this time, in this trial. Period. There may be no "reason" that we can see or understand. Though we may see it not this side of heaven, we can know, and fully trust that He's working this trial, this difficulty, this issue together for His perfect good.

It's so easy to say He's working. It's much more difficult in the hiccups of life to truly trust that He's still moving in the midst of what seems a very still, unchanging part of our lives. He's silent for what seems eternity, and suddenly a reminder pops up out of nowhere... a simple moment where He speaks and reminds us of His love.

This past week, I've had 2 of those simple, yet remarkably powerful, reminders. One of which was me praying, again, about a certain subject and out of nowhere I look up and see these little pink flowers on this bush (for those that don't know, pink is my all time favorite color). And as I sat in my car staring at these silly little flowers, tears flooded my eyes as I heard His still small voice say, "I'm working my daughter. Take these flowers as a reminder. Each time you see them, remember this promise - I'm working!". The funny part is.... these flowers are EVERYWHERE! I literally walk by rows and rows of them throughout my day and they almost whisper as I walk by "I'm working. Trust me."

The second moment was last night. As I often do, I arrived to my time with Catherine (one of the most amazing women I have ever met in my life!) a little early. I sat in my car, with random old school Jesus loving music playing in the background, and one song just hit me. It's called "In the Middle" by Casting Crowns. It's all about the extremes of daily life and how often we settle for the middle ground, though there's so much more we can reach for. And again I felt the Spirit of the Lord in the midst of my car so powerfully. All I could do was cry, overwhelmed with the fact that I so often fall into the middle... not acting or reacting to anything - just going through the motions. "Somewhere between my faith and my plans... Deep water faith in the shallow end... we're caught in the middle."

These precious moments with Him have made me realize so many things. But one of them is for the true me to please stand up. Not the timid, quiet, lacking confidence girl that I've been over and over in my life. But the woman who chooses joy, who chooses encouragement, who chooses to speak up when necessary, who chooses to defend and protect at the right moments, who chooses a life not satisfied with ordinary, and who chooses grace. No longer do I want to be caught in the middle. No. no! I want to grow. I want to continually learn. I want to gain character. And I want to trust His good for my own good in everything - though it's terrifying to admit.

His grace is sufficient.

His mercy never ceases.

He's working.

Even when we're caught in the middle.