I don't even know where to begin... I found out earlier this week that a classmate of mine from High School passed away. I went to a small, private Christian School and my class had 67 students and we were truly one big happy family. I was at a swimming meet when I got the text saying that Elisa had died, and I sat on the side lines absolutely shocked. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what to say, I just froze out of sadness and an overwhelming sense of the fragility of life.
Today was another one of those random days where I got punched again with the realization that life is short. My brother and I have been playing phone tag for awhile now, and we finally connected on my commute to work this morning. We were chatting about everyday life, the possibility of buying new cars, and how our family was doing. I got to work, and he said, "hey sis, I've gotta go... I'm at the emergency room - I love you!" and click.. the phone went silent. Talk about the way NOT to end a conversation with your little sister - mother of Sam a huge sense of worry came over me. Come to find out, my brother went to the hospital with severe chest pains that his doctor thought was the beginning of a heart attack. He's 33 years old, but my family has a long history of the men having heart attacks in their 30's and suddenly dying. You can understand the fear factor that I was dealing with this morning...
I sat at my desk absolutely dumbfounded. Twice in one week BAM! and I'm reminded of the importance of living life to the fullest. And I started thinking about my life - why am I so selfish and focused on what I need do to for me? Why can't I see that I've never been willing to venture to Michigan to visit my brother? And why don't I see the needs and struggles of those around me? Why do I run from problems instead of facing them head on? And why in the world do I live my life for the everyday worries, instead of reacting to the prompts and desires of my heart?
All I can say is that it's time for me to take a few BIG steps of faith - getting out of my comfort zone and pushing myself toward . It's time to go after those adventures, after those hearts desires that keep me thinking "someday". It's time for the someday to become today. So what am I going to do first? I have no idea... maybe I should start with a list of the important things in my life... and figure out where to go from there. So here goes...
Move out and on - Make the trek to Michigan - Travel More - Find the women's ministry to learn and grow from - Write the book - Buy the SUV - Camp, hike, bike, trail run - Pay off the debt - Invest more in those the Lord places in my life.
I guess what it boils down to is a complete renovation of my life. Stopping the crazy cycle of pleasing everyone else, and start living the life I've been called to. Which probably means me making some people sad or frustrated and even disappointed. The incredible part of it all is that the vision that I see is for the greater good of people outside my inner circle. I love those that Jesus has placed in my life (I wouldn't be who I am today without them), but I can't keep living in the safety bubble of my own little world. It's time to start taking the steps of faith, trusting in Jesus alone for my future, and following and doing whatever He says - not what the world and people say.
Mother of Sam this is WAY easier said than done... but I have to start somewhere and sometime - and no better time than the present!
Here am I Lord, Send me where you would have me be to grow, change, and become what you've called me to.
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