It's been one of those months - where so much has happened that I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly, not really feeling the effects of what's gone on around me. There is a time and a season for everything - a time to be born and a time to die. In my life, this week was the latter of the two. My dear grandma who I love and cherish very much, went to be with Jesus.
I can't even begin to describe the overwhelming sense of loss that I feel. So often death seems so trivial, until you walk through a loss yourself. When I received the phone call about her passing, I heard the voice of my aunt and new instantly what had happened. My grandma had been struggling for awhile with a cold that just never went away. I look back and just a month ago she was up and in her house with me sharing the stories of her youth, encouraging me to "find a good man that loves you more than anything" - and a few short weeks later... she's gone. I remember vividly the weekend I spent with her back in April, and I remember the conversation I had with the Lord before going to bed that Friday night, asking, "Lord, why am I here? Why does it seem that everything in my life is going out of control? What's going on?". And the Lord, in His amazing goodness and grace spoke to my heart, "My child, the reason I have you here at this point is because your grandma is not going to be around much longer, and I want you to love her as I would love her, pray for her, and spend as much time with her as you can.".
What I didn't realize is that her death would come so quickly. I feel that I just started re-building my relationship with her. However, I am reminded of the time I did have with her and the legacy she left in my life. One of the most incredible parts of re-building my relationship with her is that she passed down her hope chest to me. It may sound silly, but this was one of the biggest honors someone in our family could receive. That hope chest was what she placed everything for her future, her family, and her dreams into before she got married. She based our family legacy off of the items in that chest - and carried on her own family traditions through it. By passing on her hope chest, she was passing on the responsibility of carrying on our family traditions and legacy. And for those of you that know me - legacy, tradition, and hospitality are what I live for - what I was created for. To have the last few months with my grandmother and for her to pass on this family heirloom is the greatest gesture of honor and love she could have ever given me.
As I look back on my 23 years of life, I see and remember my incredible grandma. She's the one that taught me to bake. She shared with me our family heritage and where we came from. She taught me how to be a respectable young woman (mainly by going and getting our hair done together when I was 5 :-) ). And she showed me the love and pride that only comes from a grandmother for her grandchild. Her incredible legacy lives on in my life today, and I'm so incredibly grateful for the years I had with this woman. I miss her terribly, but I know that with her memory and legacy, I can carry on the family traditions so that I may share them with the next generation of grandchildren.
I praise Jesus for His amazing perspective on the life and death of my grandma, and for His love, care, and support as I go through this time of loss. For without Christ I would have no hope for seeing grandma again, but with Him I'm excited to know that I will be able to see her once more someday - re-united again, sharing stories, and praising Jesus forever - together. What an incredible gift!
I miss you Grandma and love you very much.
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