Brutal Honesty. If I'm honest with you I feel numb. And I've been numb for what feels like years. Numb from feeling and emotion. No longer do I cry or hope or long for anything. Nothing brings me joy or excitement, there's just this bizarre pressure on my heart each and everyday... and I'm numb.
Gone are the days for the excitement of the unknown. Gone are the hopes and dreams of something bigger. Gone are the visions of revival. I cry inside but the tears don't manifest on the outside. I plead, but still my heart feels nothing.
Gone... numb...
How am I supposed to hope when all the hopes lead to disappointments? How am I to dream when they're all unreachable facade's? How do I hear the voice of God amongst the voices of the world and satan constantly attacking me at every turn?
Gone... numb... how...
The choices always catch up to us. I've realized something over the past months in this state of haze, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to face it yet. Or maybe it's the idea that life is supposed to be easy, enjoyable, fun, that's got me so overwhelmingly frustrated. Because the fact is, life sucks sometimes. I literally walk around each day, and have been walking around for nearly a year with this haze over me, this blur that I can't see beyond. My life is wasting away before me, and I feel like I'm in slow motion watching it fly by. Here for a moment and then it's gone...
I can't move... frozen, numb, gone. All the hope that once resided has diminished, all the joy, all the emotion of life - is gone. And I pray for anything, something to make me feel again and I get no response. So I pray again... for a glimpse, an encouragement, anything. And again... silence. It's days, it's months, it's years of numbness... a desert of a life... dry, barren, void.
And I've learned something over the past 3 weeks - I have no idea who I am anymore. My life has been a constant battle to please those people in my life. Terrified of disappointing others, I've let people walk all over me for years. I've never defended myself or admitted to someone that they've hurt me... I've just let things slide each and every time. Allowing others to get off the hook for wounds so deep I've barely begun to heal from. My people pleasing self has gone so far that that I don't even know what I value anymore. I don't know what I like, what I want, what I desire. I don't know who I am. Which is the first step of this journey... processing, asking, analyzing what makes me who I am. And living my life the way God intended me to live it...
I just wish I had the eyes of God sometimes... to be able to see the little things at work that I can't seem to see in the everyday mush of life. I know that if I make God's desires my desires that He will give me those desires. I know that if I follow Christ daily, those visions and dreams will re-surface as it says in Jeremiah. I know that He's there... at work... but I don't trust that He's at work "for the good of those who love Him." It seems that my life has been filled with more battles than victories, more pains than joys, and more disappointments than triumphs. And I plead again - "something, God, anything... show up in my life in a mighty way."
But the pressures continue, the pressures to be perfect, to gain fame, fortune, and success. To be the Alpha Female that can handle anything without anyone's help. The pressure/responsibility to care for those who aren't being wise now, but expect me to fix their problems in the future. Pressure to be thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, financailly successful enough, have enough degrees, enough certificates, enough training... Well I say ENOUGH to all of that! Because I don't want the fame, the fortune, the power, the money... I don't want the stuff that this world has to offer. I want the eternal, the stuff that lasts. I want relationships with others, I want to do ministry, I want to write and lead and speak to generations to come. I want MORE Jesus and LESS world.
And all I can do now is wait. Not the easiest thing to do.. .that's for sure. But wait I must, even when God is silent, and when He continues to be silent.. I wait. For everything from Him comes at His perfect time...
Gone... numb... how...
WAIT.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Compassion Waits
Compassion... that little word that so many in this world never understand. How could someone still be kind and compassionate towards another who's hurt them in the deepest way? Why do certain people have a never ending capacity to show grace? What does it mean to have compassion for someone?
Well, compassion literally means to have mercy or a tenderheartedness towards someone who seems to have some misfortune. It also means that compassionate people often want to "fix" the problems in the pain stricken life of another. But alas, there's a problem with this... we can't fix other people's problems.
In reading a devotional by Chuck Swindoll this morning I was reminded that often we can't fix the problems of others just because we have compassion on them. No, often we need to show grace and love to the person as they take the time to process and figure out the issues they're facing. What God calls us to do in many situations is to "wait". Wait.... for what?
For God to show up in the lives of those around us. Wait until God tells us to stop. Be patient, kind, gentle to the person who's trying to sort things out. Listen attentively, but don't point the finger. Wait. Even if it means praying the same prayer for the same person for months or years. Wait. Even if it means giving up our desires for His plans. Wait. Even when it means pain and trials for us in the meantime. Wait on the Lord. He will tell you when it's time. He will pave the way for you at the appropriate moment.
Wait.
We've lost the art of waiting. We've lost the practice of patience. We've lost sight of God's timing in situations. And we're frustrated. Frustrated when God doesn't give us what we so badly want. But what if the reason we don't have it right now is because He's got something to teach us in the meantime? Or what if he just wants to refine our Trust in Him from nothing to something substantial? Having our trust turn into knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God will show up in any and every situation - whether His answer is yes, no, or not yet.
What if we chose today to have compassion enough on others to wait on them and intercede for them as they face their struggles? Instead of forcing our thoughts and opinions down someone's throat, what if we chose to Trust God enough in the circumstance to show up in a powerful way in that persons life? That's why we're called to pray for those who cannot pray for themselves. And sometimes God places someone in our lives to refine our trust, our faith, and our character. So when the going gets rough, and that person is driving you crazy... wait.
Who or what are you waiting for?
And will you wait until God says go?
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned! In awe of the one who gave it all. I'll Stand my soul Lord, to you surrendered. All I am is yours!" - That's my prayer today Jesus - may I be completely surrendered and abandoned to your plans, your desires, your everything for my life. And let me trust your timing as I wait patiently for things to be revealed.
Well, compassion literally means to have mercy or a tenderheartedness towards someone who seems to have some misfortune. It also means that compassionate people often want to "fix" the problems in the pain stricken life of another. But alas, there's a problem with this... we can't fix other people's problems.
In reading a devotional by Chuck Swindoll this morning I was reminded that often we can't fix the problems of others just because we have compassion on them. No, often we need to show grace and love to the person as they take the time to process and figure out the issues they're facing. What God calls us to do in many situations is to "wait". Wait.... for what?
For God to show up in the lives of those around us. Wait until God tells us to stop. Be patient, kind, gentle to the person who's trying to sort things out. Listen attentively, but don't point the finger. Wait. Even if it means praying the same prayer for the same person for months or years. Wait. Even if it means giving up our desires for His plans. Wait. Even when it means pain and trials for us in the meantime. Wait on the Lord. He will tell you when it's time. He will pave the way for you at the appropriate moment.
Wait.
We've lost the art of waiting. We've lost the practice of patience. We've lost sight of God's timing in situations. And we're frustrated. Frustrated when God doesn't give us what we so badly want. But what if the reason we don't have it right now is because He's got something to teach us in the meantime? Or what if he just wants to refine our Trust in Him from nothing to something substantial? Having our trust turn into knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God will show up in any and every situation - whether His answer is yes, no, or not yet.
What if we chose today to have compassion enough on others to wait on them and intercede for them as they face their struggles? Instead of forcing our thoughts and opinions down someone's throat, what if we chose to Trust God enough in the circumstance to show up in a powerful way in that persons life? That's why we're called to pray for those who cannot pray for themselves. And sometimes God places someone in our lives to refine our trust, our faith, and our character. So when the going gets rough, and that person is driving you crazy... wait.
Who or what are you waiting for?
And will you wait until God says go?
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned! In awe of the one who gave it all. I'll Stand my soul Lord, to you surrendered. All I am is yours!" - That's my prayer today Jesus - may I be completely surrendered and abandoned to your plans, your desires, your everything for my life. And let me trust your timing as I wait patiently for things to be revealed.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Blessed Pain, Big Risks
Recently, I bought a new Bible that includes the NASB and the Message translations side by side. After years of reading my NIV, I thought it would be best to switch things up and see if anything caught my eye in a different way than before. Well, it worked.
In reading the gospel of Matthew, I've found new revelations and encouragement to the sermons and words of Jesus. In Matthew 5 specifically, where the sermon on the Mount begins, Christ describes how we're blessed in many ways, but not the ways we'd expect. In reading the Message translation I found that:
We're blessed in pain.
We're blessed in weakness
We're blessed when everything I hold dear is lost.
We're blessed in living a right life
We're blessed when we care and are content with life
We're blessed in persecution.
The last line got me thinking, "blessed in persecution, what does that even look like in a world where everything is so generally accepted?". The fact is: often we find ourselves doing whatever it is just to get by. We don't speak up for Christ because we don't want to "muddy the waters". We don't step out in faith because other's may think we're strange. We don't take the risks, pray the prayers, and push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. We've become a society where anything challenging or difficult is just too much for us. But if we're honest with ourselves, don't we meet with God in the most intimate way when we're walking in His plan, His will, and His design for our lives?
Further in Matthew we see the stories of Jesus healing the crippled, giving sight to the blind, and raising people from the dead. But the most dramatic story, for me, is that of the centurion who comes to Jesus saying, "my servant is sick, you don't need to come to my house, just say the word and I know he'll be well." The next line gets me every time I read it.... Jesus was taken aback by the man's faith. Taken aback. Shocked. Amazed. Because one man decided to trust Jesus at His prompting and His word.
How often do we question God rather than go after the desires and promptings He's laid on our hearts? And what kind of faith do we need to have in order to start seeing these miracles today? Jesus left and said that we would be able to do the same miracles and more by the power of the Holy Spirit. So why aren't we seeing more people take the risks, praying for the sick, and interceding for those who cannot speak for themselves? Simply put: it's too easy not to. Because the second we start praying bigger prayers, desiring more, and speaking boldly is the second we begin to see persecution. We've become a society that cannot handle rocking the boat, so we stay stagnant.
But would you rather stand before the Lord when you die and hear, "you could have done more, if you would have just trusted and listened" or "well done good and faithful servant"??
Let's start getting our hearts right with God and asking for the Holy Spirit to guide us in everything that we face. Let's pray the big prayers. Let's love more. Let's stop talking about it and start doing it. Let's take the risks. Let's move beyond our comfort zones. Let's meet Christ and do His Kingdom work on this earth. And let's start today.
To the least of these:
"I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'" - Matthew 25
In reading the gospel of Matthew, I've found new revelations and encouragement to the sermons and words of Jesus. In Matthew 5 specifically, where the sermon on the Mount begins, Christ describes how we're blessed in many ways, but not the ways we'd expect. In reading the Message translation I found that:
We're blessed in pain.
We're blessed in weakness
We're blessed when everything I hold dear is lost.
We're blessed in living a right life
We're blessed when we care and are content with life
We're blessed in persecution.
The last line got me thinking, "blessed in persecution, what does that even look like in a world where everything is so generally accepted?". The fact is: often we find ourselves doing whatever it is just to get by. We don't speak up for Christ because we don't want to "muddy the waters". We don't step out in faith because other's may think we're strange. We don't take the risks, pray the prayers, and push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. We've become a society where anything challenging or difficult is just too much for us. But if we're honest with ourselves, don't we meet with God in the most intimate way when we're walking in His plan, His will, and His design for our lives?
Further in Matthew we see the stories of Jesus healing the crippled, giving sight to the blind, and raising people from the dead. But the most dramatic story, for me, is that of the centurion who comes to Jesus saying, "my servant is sick, you don't need to come to my house, just say the word and I know he'll be well." The next line gets me every time I read it.... Jesus was taken aback by the man's faith. Taken aback. Shocked. Amazed. Because one man decided to trust Jesus at His prompting and His word.
How often do we question God rather than go after the desires and promptings He's laid on our hearts? And what kind of faith do we need to have in order to start seeing these miracles today? Jesus left and said that we would be able to do the same miracles and more by the power of the Holy Spirit. So why aren't we seeing more people take the risks, praying for the sick, and interceding for those who cannot speak for themselves? Simply put: it's too easy not to. Because the second we start praying bigger prayers, desiring more, and speaking boldly is the second we begin to see persecution. We've become a society that cannot handle rocking the boat, so we stay stagnant.
But would you rather stand before the Lord when you die and hear, "you could have done more, if you would have just trusted and listened" or "well done good and faithful servant"??
Let's start getting our hearts right with God and asking for the Holy Spirit to guide us in everything that we face. Let's pray the big prayers. Let's love more. Let's stop talking about it and start doing it. Let's take the risks. Let's move beyond our comfort zones. Let's meet Christ and do His Kingdom work on this earth. And let's start today.
To the least of these:
"I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'" - Matthew 25
Sunday, April 4, 2010
He is Risen!
Good Friday. The very day of betrayal and death. The day one sinless man gave his life for this fallen world. The picture perfect sacrifice, laying one's life down for another. Heroic, courageous, this man let himself face the deepest torment, the deepest pain, the deepest humiliation just so that we may live.
And yet, we refuse the gift. We refuse the grace extended and decide that we can do life "on our own". And we're broken. Our hearts are heavy with the choices we've made, the pains we've faced, the betrayal we've encountered. We've become bitter and guarded, so much so that we've become a society of independence at the cost of relationship. We've lost contact with each other, we've lost relationship with ourselves, and we've lost relationship with God. What makes us broken? Is it the pain of abuse, the failed relationship, the dashed hopes? Is it the addiction, the tainted self image, the choices of the past? Is it the hurt of a friend, the idols of worldly stuff, or the lack of control?
Easter. The very day of atonement. The day the sinless man who sacrificed His all becomes the very vessel to forgiveness, grace, and peace. The man scarred and broken, abused and insulted, rose again to life. And he offers the broken a free pass into peace which transcends all understanding. He offers hope to the hopeless, love to the loveless, plans and direction for a life of confusion. And whatever it is we're facing - he's there with the solution, and He whispers, "come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Rest from the pain and sorrow, rest from the overwhelming anxiety of the unknown. Rest so that we may live life more clearly... freely.
The hole in our hearts that never seems to be filled can be only filled with Jesus - the Risen One. Let Him in, let his joy and peace surround you. For the joy set before him, of bringing His precious children together, he endured the cross for you and for me. What an incredible gift - freedom from the chains of sin.
He is Risen today and forever....
He is Risen indeed!
And yet, we refuse the gift. We refuse the grace extended and decide that we can do life "on our own". And we're broken. Our hearts are heavy with the choices we've made, the pains we've faced, the betrayal we've encountered. We've become bitter and guarded, so much so that we've become a society of independence at the cost of relationship. We've lost contact with each other, we've lost relationship with ourselves, and we've lost relationship with God. What makes us broken? Is it the pain of abuse, the failed relationship, the dashed hopes? Is it the addiction, the tainted self image, the choices of the past? Is it the hurt of a friend, the idols of worldly stuff, or the lack of control?
Easter. The very day of atonement. The day the sinless man who sacrificed His all becomes the very vessel to forgiveness, grace, and peace. The man scarred and broken, abused and insulted, rose again to life. And he offers the broken a free pass into peace which transcends all understanding. He offers hope to the hopeless, love to the loveless, plans and direction for a life of confusion. And whatever it is we're facing - he's there with the solution, and He whispers, "come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Rest from the pain and sorrow, rest from the overwhelming anxiety of the unknown. Rest so that we may live life more clearly... freely.
The hole in our hearts that never seems to be filled can be only filled with Jesus - the Risen One. Let Him in, let his joy and peace surround you. For the joy set before him, of bringing His precious children together, he endured the cross for you and for me. What an incredible gift - freedom from the chains of sin.
He is Risen today and forever....
He is Risen indeed!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Disappointment to Redemption
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but our lives on earth are often tainted with disappointment. People disappoint us. Things disappoint us. Circumstances disappoint us. And sometimes, it seems, that even God disappoints us.
How many nights do we sit up waiting by the phone for that one phone call or text? How often do we face the scrutiny and discouragement of others telling us we can't? How frequent do we anxiously hope for circumstances to change? And the disappointment continues and we find that our constant companiion is despair rather than hope. Depression rather than joy. And we wonder where God is in the midst of our pain...
He's in the middle of it and the truth is: God is love. Though it seems that the world around us is falling apart or we have no idea what we are doing - He's there and He's aware of the struggles in our lives. God is a God of mercy and grace, meaninging He wants what's best for His children - and sometimes what's best for us are the disappointments of life. Over and over In the Psalms and Proverbs we see that parents who discipline their child are actually blessing them. God is doing the same work in us, His children, each time we face adversity, struggles, disappointments, and confusion. He's calling us back to His amazing grace, and hopefully we'll hear His still small voice through all the noise around us.
What's got you disappointed today? A failed relationship? A loss of a job? A hurt from a loved one? Or just plain life in general?
Choose today to surreneder that hurt to Jesus - allowing Him to invade your heart with peace that transcends all understanding. Let Him into the disappointment - be honest with your frustration. And ask God to give you ears that hear His voice amongst the chaos and His eyes to see and differentiate His plan and His will for your life.
He meets you where you are. No matter who you are or what you've done- Christ loves you. And more than anything He desires relationship with you. Just like a lover longs for their love, even when the love disappoints them, so does Christ love us even though we run from Him. God is writing a love story for our lives and He's the lover chasing after His love - won't you let Him in?
How many nights do we sit up waiting by the phone for that one phone call or text? How often do we face the scrutiny and discouragement of others telling us we can't? How frequent do we anxiously hope for circumstances to change? And the disappointment continues and we find that our constant companiion is despair rather than hope. Depression rather than joy. And we wonder where God is in the midst of our pain...
He's in the middle of it and the truth is: God is love. Though it seems that the world around us is falling apart or we have no idea what we are doing - He's there and He's aware of the struggles in our lives. God is a God of mercy and grace, meaninging He wants what's best for His children - and sometimes what's best for us are the disappointments of life. Over and over In the Psalms and Proverbs we see that parents who discipline their child are actually blessing them. God is doing the same work in us, His children, each time we face adversity, struggles, disappointments, and confusion. He's calling us back to His amazing grace, and hopefully we'll hear His still small voice through all the noise around us.
What's got you disappointed today? A failed relationship? A loss of a job? A hurt from a loved one? Or just plain life in general?
Choose today to surreneder that hurt to Jesus - allowing Him to invade your heart with peace that transcends all understanding. Let Him into the disappointment - be honest with your frustration. And ask God to give you ears that hear His voice amongst the chaos and His eyes to see and differentiate His plan and His will for your life.
He meets you where you are. No matter who you are or what you've done- Christ loves you. And more than anything He desires relationship with you. Just like a lover longs for their love, even when the love disappoints them, so does Christ love us even though we run from Him. God is writing a love story for our lives and He's the lover chasing after His love - won't you let Him in?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
SoCal is my home
Well fans, as of 3pm today, I'm officially a Southern California resident. CRAZY!! It's been a fantastic few days of driving and seeing the beautiful coast of California. Mom and I came down in good ol' tenash... and drove Hwy 1 most of the way. One of the most gorgeous drives I've ever been on- and if you ever have the opportunity to take it, I highly recommend it! Yes, it will take you several more hours to get here taking that route, but it's definitely worth it.
Mom and I actually got along pretty well on the drive. There's always exceptions, like yesterday when I was tired, cranky, hadn't showered in 2 days, and was downright ready to quit for the day when the woman wouldn't stop for anything. But - we got through it and laughed much of the way down. Praise God for safe trips and great adventures! I'm blessed to have such a wonderful mother who I'm able to get along with every step of the way.
A few highlights from the trip:
A. Starting off 3 hours behind schedule - I mean, why not??
B. Seeing my dear friend Jackie in San Francisco, whom I haven't seen in over 3 years. She's an absolute doll and truly a blessing to see, even if only for a brief time.
C. My mom driving Hwy 1 on the "roller coaster" ride that is Northern California. That woman is crazy and loves her corners... we had many a laughs. My favorite part of the trip was coming around a corner and nearly decapitating some peacock looking bird... to which both of us yell... "Oh crap!" and start hilariously laughing because we weren't sure what the heck just jumped out in front of us.
D. Me actually surviving going over the LONGEST bridge I've ever been on in my life... driving into San Francisco. I'm from Seattle and I hate bridges... don't ask me why - but Praise the Lord that it was actually a fun venture. A city completely connected by bridges... such incredible handiwork!
E. Monterey. Oh dear, where do we even begin? After hours of driving mom and I finally decided to stop for "breakfast" at 12pm (Our iced coffees from Starbucks were not doing us justice 4 hours later). So we stop into the quaint town and find a Cafe - enjoy a meal, and head down to the Bay. Beautiful town - so much character running through it. And when I say character, I mean random characters walking up to me and hitting on me with my mother standing right next to me. The interlude went something like this:
Me: waiting for the cross walk to open, minding my own business
Random guy: Hey, how you doin'?
Me: thinking to myself "just ignore him"
Random guy: Hey, I'm talking to you!
Me: Oh, hi.
Random guy: You want to hang out tonight?
Me: Nope.
Random guy: Can I have your number? What's your name?
Me: Nope.
Random guy: Can I give you my business card?
Me: Nope, I'm not from around here and I won't be coming back.
Random guy: Really?
Me: Pointing to the "protection from creepy guys" ring on my left hand saying "I'm taken"
Random guy: *silence*
Haha!!!
Really the whole trip has been amazing and such a blessing to be a part of! My roomies here are hilariously sweet and I'm really excited to get started on this new phase of life. I'm in shock, and probably will be for weeks to come... but one thing at a time, one day at a time, and I'll get myself settled.
One thing remains true throughout it all: God is my strength, Jesus my constant companion, and the Holy Spirit my guide.
Here's to the new adventure beginning!
Mom and I actually got along pretty well on the drive. There's always exceptions, like yesterday when I was tired, cranky, hadn't showered in 2 days, and was downright ready to quit for the day when the woman wouldn't stop for anything. But - we got through it and laughed much of the way down. Praise God for safe trips and great adventures! I'm blessed to have such a wonderful mother who I'm able to get along with every step of the way.
A few highlights from the trip:
A. Starting off 3 hours behind schedule - I mean, why not??
B. Seeing my dear friend Jackie in San Francisco, whom I haven't seen in over 3 years. She's an absolute doll and truly a blessing to see, even if only for a brief time.
C. My mom driving Hwy 1 on the "roller coaster" ride that is Northern California. That woman is crazy and loves her corners... we had many a laughs. My favorite part of the trip was coming around a corner and nearly decapitating some peacock looking bird... to which both of us yell... "Oh crap!" and start hilariously laughing because we weren't sure what the heck just jumped out in front of us.
D. Me actually surviving going over the LONGEST bridge I've ever been on in my life... driving into San Francisco. I'm from Seattle and I hate bridges... don't ask me why - but Praise the Lord that it was actually a fun venture. A city completely connected by bridges... such incredible handiwork!
E. Monterey. Oh dear, where do we even begin? After hours of driving mom and I finally decided to stop for "breakfast" at 12pm (Our iced coffees from Starbucks were not doing us justice 4 hours later). So we stop into the quaint town and find a Cafe - enjoy a meal, and head down to the Bay. Beautiful town - so much character running through it. And when I say character, I mean random characters walking up to me and hitting on me with my mother standing right next to me. The interlude went something like this:
Me: waiting for the cross walk to open, minding my own business
Random guy: Hey, how you doin'?
Me: thinking to myself "just ignore him"
Random guy: Hey, I'm talking to you!
Me: Oh, hi.
Random guy: You want to hang out tonight?
Me: Nope.
Random guy: Can I have your number? What's your name?
Me: Nope.
Random guy: Can I give you my business card?
Me: Nope, I'm not from around here and I won't be coming back.
Random guy: Really?
Me: Pointing to the "protection from creepy guys" ring on my left hand saying "I'm taken"
Random guy: *silence*
Haha!!!
Really the whole trip has been amazing and such a blessing to be a part of! My roomies here are hilariously sweet and I'm really excited to get started on this new phase of life. I'm in shock, and probably will be for weeks to come... but one thing at a time, one day at a time, and I'll get myself settled.
One thing remains true throughout it all: God is my strength, Jesus my constant companion, and the Holy Spirit my guide.
Here's to the new adventure beginning!
Friday, March 26, 2010
2 days til everything changes
Oh My Lanta... how the HECK did it go from July to April so quickly? I'm officially leaving for my new home in LA Sunday morning, and am excited and nervous at the same time. WHOA there!!
Let me just start off with saying that God is so incredibly good! He has paved the way before me in more ways than one... and I can't even begin to expresss my gratitude for His care and provision. Amazing! And the plan has changed at least 4 different times since the beginning of March. I was going to start off living with roommates, but couldn't find anywhere to live that a. didn't have pets, b. would let me work from home, or c. wasn't too expensive. After searching for what seemed like years for fun, quality, like minded roomies, I gave up the search and decided to go another route and get my own apartment.
Well, apartments are definitely plentiful and I wanted to be sure to find the right place that was close to work, close to church, and, of course, close to the beach. I found a place and was really excited to get all moved in. I started shopping for furniture and packing all my housewares from here to ship down. It was then that my job plans changed... after talking with a trusted industry leader, I found that the position I was considering taking wasn't legit and didn't really match my values. After lots of prayer, I decided to decline the position and look for something else. That's when I started getting a bit worried about the cash flow situation.... "Lord, how am I going to pay for this apartment now?". Well, let's just say he answered again...
The next day, I got a phone call from a friend of a friend who had a room for rent in her home. She's a certified CPA who was looking for a roomie, and seems super chill and like a great place to live. We talked on the phone for about an hour, and I just decided to take the room - and it was more than half the price of the rent for the apartment - Thank you JESUS!!! Seriously.... He just keeps showing up.
The other great news is that the furniture I ordered wasn't supposed to be to my place until late April/early May. Well... I just got a confirmation email saying it's ready for pick up, the day I arrive in LA. This whole situation seems surreal...
And the best part is that God keeps openning doors of friends and people that I haven't seen or heard of in years. People keep passing their relatives info onto me or connecting me with people they know in the area. I even have some friends from High School that have gotten back in touch with me and have offered to help out in any way they can. God is gracious and generous... and Praise Him for providing me a way.
I leave Sunday for a new adventure - a whole new playing field. I sit here with the blank canvas of life sitting before me, and now we just have to decide what to do with it. I miss my California friends like crazy, and I'm realizing that those roles are going to switch pretty quick as I say goodbye to my Seattle friends and family and start my new life.
Oh dear.... it's starting! This crazy adventure we call life. YAY and WHOA all at the same time!
Happy weekend everyone! :-)
Let me just start off with saying that God is so incredibly good! He has paved the way before me in more ways than one... and I can't even begin to expresss my gratitude for His care and provision. Amazing! And the plan has changed at least 4 different times since the beginning of March. I was going to start off living with roommates, but couldn't find anywhere to live that a. didn't have pets, b. would let me work from home, or c. wasn't too expensive. After searching for what seemed like years for fun, quality, like minded roomies, I gave up the search and decided to go another route and get my own apartment.
Well, apartments are definitely plentiful and I wanted to be sure to find the right place that was close to work, close to church, and, of course, close to the beach. I found a place and was really excited to get all moved in. I started shopping for furniture and packing all my housewares from here to ship down. It was then that my job plans changed... after talking with a trusted industry leader, I found that the position I was considering taking wasn't legit and didn't really match my values. After lots of prayer, I decided to decline the position and look for something else. That's when I started getting a bit worried about the cash flow situation.... "Lord, how am I going to pay for this apartment now?". Well, let's just say he answered again...
The next day, I got a phone call from a friend of a friend who had a room for rent in her home. She's a certified CPA who was looking for a roomie, and seems super chill and like a great place to live. We talked on the phone for about an hour, and I just decided to take the room - and it was more than half the price of the rent for the apartment - Thank you JESUS!!! Seriously.... He just keeps showing up.
The other great news is that the furniture I ordered wasn't supposed to be to my place until late April/early May. Well... I just got a confirmation email saying it's ready for pick up, the day I arrive in LA. This whole situation seems surreal...
And the best part is that God keeps openning doors of friends and people that I haven't seen or heard of in years. People keep passing their relatives info onto me or connecting me with people they know in the area. I even have some friends from High School that have gotten back in touch with me and have offered to help out in any way they can. God is gracious and generous... and Praise Him for providing me a way.
I leave Sunday for a new adventure - a whole new playing field. I sit here with the blank canvas of life sitting before me, and now we just have to decide what to do with it. I miss my California friends like crazy, and I'm realizing that those roles are going to switch pretty quick as I say goodbye to my Seattle friends and family and start my new life.
Oh dear.... it's starting! This crazy adventure we call life. YAY and WHOA all at the same time!
Happy weekend everyone! :-)
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