I'm Norwegian and I know it!

Ok, random post here...

You know those heart flutter, goosebump moments in life?

 

I just had one when I was reminded of the travels of my great-grandparents from a small town called Skudeneshavn, Norway to Staten Island, NY. They were in search of a better land and home. They came for the American Dream. And thus, the Slattebrek embarked on life's great adventure (maybe this is why I get this bug to adventure so often?).
 

Once here, their name, Slattebrek, was Americanized to what's now known as Slater. And that's where the goosebumps set in. There's something about knowing your history, your name, where you came from, where your family once was to where they are now.
 

I bet my great-grandpa Ole would be amazed to learn that his family has finally settled halfway around the world from his original home. And I bet he'd be so proud of the lives we've made for ourselves, just by his decision to leave the home and the land he knew and loved.
 

Astonishing really how one choice can completely catapult us in a new direction - for GENERATIONS! I know I wouldn't be where I am today if he hadn't have made that bold move. I'd probably still be bundled up in the frigid North, touring fjords and the like.

 

And now? I have the travel bug... I want to go see where my ancestors came from. My aunt tells me it was a small town in mid-Norway called Skudeneshavn. Say that 3 times fast!

 

Norway - here I come!

 

Eventually... :-)

Turn the other cheek

It's with me biting my tongue that I share today's thoughts...

Friday night, my husband, some friends, and I were at a local outdoor shopping mall talking, sharing wine, and eventually moving to a local attraction. With that said, we had a wonderful time together and were super excited to be at this particular establishment.

Now, mind you, this place is like a grown up Chucky Cheese, and the boys of our group got into their competitive modes and were stoked on all the fun this place had to offer. My husband was no exception to this rule, and he was soon passionately playing one of the games when his tickets got stuck in the machine, and being the inventive man he is, he started toying around with the machine to de-clog said tickets.

This is where the whole debacle of later embarrassment started... this lady comes up to my husband and tell him to leave the machine alone and that he doesn't know what he's doing. To which, my husband responds, "it's none of your business". The lady clearly did not like this answer, so I told my husband to gather his stuff and let it slide.

Here's where it gets juicy, and Tenacious' frustration, or better yet, anger, comes into play. As we finished for the night, we walked out of said establishment and were waiting for our friends to finish their game. There was a bubble maker outside, which to my own childhood joy, I started popping the bubbles as they floated by. It's at this point that I hear the lady from inside the place (with her two children under the age of 10, mind you) start yelling at my husband and calling him a "dumb a**hole".

Ok people, prepare yourselves!

NO ONE calls my friends, family, or any person I'm with an a-hole and gets away with it. Something in me snapped and I responded with "well that's unnecessary and unkind". This did not make the lady happy, so she comes right up to me and starts yelling at me and calling me a little b****. I'm FLOORED at this point. Internally I'm thinking, "is this woman for real right now?! She's got 2 kids right there and she's cussing me out for defending my husband?"

My very wise husband then steps between this woman and me and asks her to kindly leave us alone and go on with her night. She would have none of this and then, THEN, she literally SHOVES my husband with all her might... TWICE!

OOOOO.... then the anger showed up. And this is something I am not proud of, and completely was un-called for. (I admit this to you, dear readers, for the sake of making it known and asking for forgiveness, in a way - I really feel bad for what I said to this woman and wish I had the opportunity to apologize).

Anyway, I told her to take her hands off my husband whom I honor and respect and that she has NO place whatsoever to lay her hands on anyone. And then I asked her to leave us alone.

She then by-passes my husband and walks straight up to me and says she'll punch me in the face (like RIGHT up in my face) and I say (not my wisest moment) "go ahead... because if you do I'll charge you for assault. You've already assaulted my husband, so feel free.".

BAD Tenacious. BAD TENACIOUS.

However, this tactic seemed to work as she turned and walked away. And that's the end of my confrontation story.

I really should not have even said a word to this woman and let what she said about my husband roll off my back. This would have completely defused the situation and we would not be here having this conversation. But we're all sinners, we all fall short, and we all have our moments.

And I take this as a lesson about myself. I'm fiercely protective of those I love. Don't mess with me and my people, lest you want to get a whole ear full from me. I do not accept people calling those I cherish names, defiling them in some way, or just being plain rude. We're grown ups here, at least I think we are. But I clearly need to learn the lesson that our sweet Lord teaches us of  "turn the other cheek".

Should have, could have, would have... my second lesson is that I hold onto this stuff and take it very personally for DAYS, WEEKS, and sometimes - YEARS. I often replay these things in my mind... and it only holds me back from being a better woman today.

I've asked forgiveness and now it's time to let go and move on... that's the only way to gain healing, even in something as trivial as this.

Praise God that He is so merciful and would have us learn as we're here... because those life lessons are what make us better, if we let them.

The Winter...

Let me preface this post with the fact that I love Southern California for the life it's given me, the friends it's brought, and the husband I met along the journey. I would not be the woman I am today if I did not make the decision nearly 5 years ago to pack up and go on life's great adventure with nothing but a car full of stuff, a childhood teddy bear named Ellie, and the Lord by my side.

However, there's a part deep within my soul that yearns for the Pacific Northwest. For home. In every land there are pros and cons. Here in California it's always sunny and beautiful - I can hike, bike, and run year round outside - and I LOVE that. However, I also live in what feels like this never ending, claustrophobic, concrete jungle. It's like the Tim McGraw song, "Where the green grass grows":

There's concrete growin' in the city park
I don't know who my neighbors are
There's bars on the corners and bars on my heart

Oh my gosh! This is totally me - in California. There never seems to be a true "change" in season, unless we're having some randomly ridiculous rain storm that lasts for months (which actually happened the 1st year I was here, and never once since).

And that's where I find myself today...

I miss the changing seasons, the colors of the fall leaves and the frosted branches of winter. I miss the slower pace, the cuddling up and staying in to watch Christmas movies. I miss the stillness of a winter's night and the silence of snowfall.

And quite honestly, I miss wearing leggings, knee highs, boots, and a big ol' cozy sweater, made complete by a beanie.

Those types of things don't happen here. There's no slowing down. There's no real change in seasons (ok, so it gets to be 50 degrees at night, it's still 70 degrees during the day people and that is NOT boots and sweaters weather!).

It's like a part of me is missing when seasons don't happen, and it's Biblical too! Good ol' Ecclesiastes tells us there's a time and place for everything, a season for everything under the sun. I'm taking that literally here!

I want slow. I want silence. I want o build a fire and cuddle up with a good book. I want to bake cookies and deliver them. I want to have snow, because the city sleeps when it snows and everyone shuts down their electronics and comes out to play.

There's something magical, healing really, about a change in season. There's a time for busyness and harvesting and spring, but there's also a time that EVERY body needs of rest, relaxation, and silence that only the winter can provide.

So here's to having a winter, somehow, in Southern California!

Misrepresenting me

"You have to get to the place where you don't say things you don't mean. You don't lie. You don't misrepresent things. It doesn't mean being rude, it's just that you have to get to the point that you believe what you say... learn to be who you are, what you stand for. You've got to do this in your relationship with God and with others." - Andrew Wommack

As I've spent the last few months or so really sitting with the Lord and a few close family members on all things life, my calling, and what makes me, me, I've realized that MUCH of my life over the past 4 years has been a misrepresentation of me.

Yup. I said it. I've misrepresented myself. What does that mean? Well, I guess you could say that I've been too concerned with making friends that I have left myself by the wayside and pretty much done what I thought would make others like me. And you know what? It's a miserable existence. Keeping up with appearances and trying to be "that girl" all the time is exhausting. Devastating really. And if I'm really honest - depressing.

When I moved to California I quickly noticed that there was a LOT of "Christian-ese" spoken here. So to fit in, I learned the "lay of the land" and started doing the same thing. I made note of what others would say, experience, and do so that I could do and say the same things. I didn't want to rock the boat, so I just became a chameleon of whatever those around me believed and did. At first it was refreshing, amazing really. I suddenly felt accepted, and I loved it.

Fast forward 4 years and I sit, very uncomfortably, in my own skin. After the fallout with some friends over a year ago, and the realization that they were never really, true friends to me to begin with, the whole "Who am I?" question began. And over the last year it's resurfaced over and over again. Finally, bringing me to the breaking point of me going "Holy mother, I have completely lost sight of the calling laid on my life, my passions, and my giftings. I've become a chameleon of everyone around me."

So here I sit, having to now face the friends that I've made and lost these last years, whom  I pushed away for fear of disappointing them or getting a lecture, or just losing them altogether. But it seems I've already done that in my own self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

The woman that I am called to be is a lover of God first and foremost, and a lover of His image bearers - both lost and found. She is gracious, kind, generous, and hard working. She is hospitable in every way. She loves meeting new people and hearing their stories; she craves it. She desires to bring people together for dinner, for parties, anything really and to make them feel loved and cared for in the process. She is cheerful, optimistic, and relentless when it comes to getting things done. She's athletic, a health nut, and a fitness guru in the making. She's an encourager who loves to do "little things' for those she loves. She's the doer that gets ideas to become realities. She loves to laugh, to spend time with others, to adventure, and to be in the peaceful beauty that is nature. She hates the "same 'ol grind" and looks forward to getting out of it. She loves being girly, taking showers everyday, and looks forward to dressing up and wearing her heels. She enjoys down time, days of rest and staying in bed all day. She appreciates dinners out and getting to know the waitresses and bartenders that serve her. She is invigorated by conversation with others. She's a planner who can go with the flow. She's a dreamer of BIG things and works hard to make them a reality. She trusts the Lord with the details of life and finds His peace and love her constant companion. She likes order and cleanliness, though her life is sometimes chaos. She imagines often of a home and a lifetime of love and generosity shared with her dear, sweet husband.

This is me. The real me. I have opinions though I often don't voice them. I'm afraid of rocking the boat, so I often keep my mouth shut though I disagree with others. I'm realizing that I'm more liberal in my faith than others. I believe Grace and Love are the biggest callings the Lord gives us. I don't like Calvinism. I'm more Weslyan in my approach to faith. I'm not here to judge, I leave that up to the one the Lord has appointed to do so. I believe that my God is big enough to do anything and I know He will answer my prayers - whether it's yes, no, or not yet. I believe you have to ask to receive and dare to believe that God will give you exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine. And I believe the Gospel is simple - and my calling on this earth, too. But all too often it's complicated through the opinions of centuries of theologians. I believe there's a lot more gray than black and white (yup, I said that too). We're too harsh and bitter towards others... and all too often there's not enough grace.

No more misrepresentation. I will stand for who I am and what I believe. No more complacency. No more chameleon. I will be me, period.

I commit to write more, call more, reach out more, pray more, give more, and love more.

"If God tells you to do something, you do it. Just do it. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. You're either a person of integrity, a person who sticks to his/her word, or you're not. Which will you choose?"

Who do you say I am?

"But what about you?" Jesus asked, "Who do you say I am?"

Peter answered, "You are the Messiah" - Matthew 16:15-16

Controversial topic? Yes. Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of Man, the Messiah to some, a prophet to others. The miracle worker, the healer, the friend of foes. And some would dare say, the rebel of His time, going against deeply rooted rituals of "religion". The one who dares relationship and forgiveness, over ritual and show.

This, my friends, is the Jesus I know and love. Just a few descriptors of who this Man has become in my own life...

Simply put, what Jesus came to accomplish could only be accomplished by Him. He came to seek and save the lost. To be a ransom for the sins of each of us. He came so that you and I may be free and made new amidst the chaos and evil of this world today.

Jesus is ever loving, ever gracious, ever tender, and forever in pursuit of you, his sweet child. He came to love and to die for you, his prized son/daughter. He came so that you may have life.  True, fulfilling, satisfying LIFE!

Jesus is one to be completely honest and "real" with. Maybe the only someone one can fully trust with every detail of life. He's not in the business of being condescending. He's in the business of grace. He's not dismissisive. No, he's responsive. He will not ridicule you but will build you up. He is not judgmental. He's merciful. And oh does His love abound! His love is pure, unconditional. There is nothing you can or cannot do to earn His love, His grace, and His mercy. And it NEVER changes. Ever, never, ever, period. It's perfect.

And perfect love casts out fear. Think of the things that you're most afraid of: Being alone for the rest of your life, running out of money, losing a family member, losing your job, losing your beauty, losing your success, becoming ill, etc.. Now imagine a life without fear of those very things. Is that even possible? To be relieved from the pressure, the stress, anxiety, the fear that overwhelms us?

How freeing would that be? Will that allow you to do more in your life? Would that allow you to be happy for once? Would it allow you to feel free and at peace with the rest of your life? The great news is that freedom from fear is available to you. And as silly as it sounds it's in the name of Jesus. It's His love that casts out fear. It's His love it takes all anxious thoughts all the stress all the fear and separates it as far as the east is from the west. His incredible, unending love is perfect and in Him all things are possible. He loves you. Cares for you. Desires relationship with you. And no matter who you are or what you've done - that cannot separate you from Him. He's there. Always.

1 thing then a 1000

If there's one thing I've learned these last few years, there's a thousand. It seems that each day I'm faced with yet another truth, another lesson, or another day of trusting. Is it easy? Surely not. I find I'm plagued with uncertainty of the future and constantly reminded of living here and now. I cannot change everything in life in a blink of an eye. And I'm my own person, uniquely created, with a specific calling and direction on my life.

I was just reading a dear friend of mine's blog. Her name is Callie and she's been a gem of a friend since I first met her back in High School. She loves Jesus like no other, she's honest, she's vulnerable, she's sweet and kind. She's one of those rare women with heart of gold and such compassion and grace. I love her to pieces. And one of the things I love most about her is her courage. That girl is a country wrangler, in the mountains in Colorado and is living her dream and passion day in and day out. Is it easy for her? Probably not. And like me, I'm sure she has those moments and days of "really Lord? What the heck?!" But I am so incredibly proud of her and all she's done.

Then there's my BFF, Jenny. This girl is a straight up Doctor now. Yup. She is legit like that! I have watched this woman work diligently and hard for her entire educational life. She is one of the most determined and focused women I know. She knew what she wanted to do at an early age and pursued her passions full speed ahead. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments. Unreal to think that nearly 10 years have passed since she started this journey. And I remember the times of exhaustion and frustration as she faced deadlines and internships. But here she is, a successful, PhD.

And there's my co-worker, Patty, who is the most hard working woman I've ever met. She is focused and reliable, trustworthy and diligent. She has a 10 month old baby, works full time, and yet still has a smile on her face each morning. I don't know how she does it, how she finds the strength to push through each day. But she does it, and she does it well. She is a remarkable person and a wonderful friend, mother and wife to all those she loves.

Why do I bring up all these women? Because I look at each of their lives and go "wow, they've got it made". But then I realize that we all have our own journey on this earth. And mine may not look like other's, and that's OK! I may not yet be the successful business woman that I once thought I'd be. I may be turning 27 in a month and not have that Condo of my own I always assumed I'd have by now. I may not have all my debt paid off and the funds to travel. But you know what? In the grand scheme of things it doesn't even matter. I'm given today, this hour, this moment. And for these things, I'm thankful. God has been good to me. And I often act like a spoiled little brat because my dreams aren't coming true. But if I'm truly honest with myself, those dreams have DRASTICALLY changed over my 20's. I no longer worry about a man or marriage or a family and children. It's not mine to worry about. God's got it, whom or what do I have to fear?

And an epiphony of sorts came to me last night I sat in my beastly hot house after a run, eating caprese salad and chocolate ice cream (I know, gross, but delicious on a hot day!). Why does life have to be this huge complicated thing? Why does my relationship with the Lord have to be this grandiose experience of visions and great things? What if He and I have one of those relationships you haev with your best friend, where it's just simple? I'm the simple girl, who lives on a simple plot of land somewhere there's seasons, with a front porch and rocking chair... and He's my Savior, the one my heart loves, who I just do life with. You know, loving others, being generous, giving shelter to those who need it, feeding those who are hungry, being the hands and feet of Him who first loved me. Is that crazy to desire?

Or maybe it's exactly how this whole relationship with the One and Only is supposed to be... a relationship. Plain and simple.

Mama.

Do you see that beautiful woman in the photo? The brunette next to the blond? Well, that's the 57 year old version of me. AKA - my mama.

You want to know something? I'm one extremely blessed daughter to call that incredible woman mine. You know why? Because she shows me what the love of Jesus truly is. She is one of the most grace filled, forgiving women anyone will ever have the pleasure of meeting. She's generous and kind, even to those who have hurt her the most. She comes to anyone with open arms of love and tenderness that can't be matched by anyone else. She is one of the most diligent, determined, hard working people I have ever had the opportunity of knowing. She will fight for, defend and protect those dearest to her no matter what the cost. She's always been my advocate, my cheerleader, and my motivator. And the greatest part? She's also my best friend.

This woman has prayed over me. Pushed me. Fought with me. Cried with me. Held me in my moments of deepest pain. And she has never once stopped loving me along the way. Though we've both had rough go's at this thing called life, I know without a shadow of a doubt that this woman believes in me. She trusts me. And she knows my full potential.

To think that on numerous occasions throughout my life I nearly lost this remarkable woman is honestly, unbearable. Boy we get wake up calls throughout life, even as little as a year and a half ago when heard she was at risk for a brain aneurysm.

Call me sentimental. Call me mushy. Call me that crazy emotional girl. But damn it, there's a few things I've learned in this life and one of them is to never, EVER let a day go by without telling someone you love them. Life is short. And the precious moments we get with one another are limited and priceless. You never know what an hour or a day may bring. A phone call can change everything. I don't ever want anyone I love and cherish to go through their lives not knowing how much I care. There are relationships in this life that are irreplaceable. And the bond between a mother and a daughter is one of them.

Mama, even though I may not be the most patient or the most understanding at times when you have your "mommy moments", I love you. And I love you more each and every day of my life. You have taught me so much and truly made me into the woman I am today. Yes, I'm kind of like your mini me (though I'm still in denial about it), and yes, I do stupid things sometimes. But you have stood by me every step of every path I've decided to pave my way down. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for the sacrifices you've made to love me and make sure I'm taken care of. Nothing, not ONE of your actions ever goes unnoticed. Thank you for showing me through your grace and your actions what the true unmerited favor of our Father looks like.

I love you always and forever, no matter what. :-)